This is where I get really honest. I’m sitting on my couch right now with elephant tears streaming down my cheeks. Why? Really, no good reason. I could blame some silly stresses in my non-athletic life, but those are just excuses. What is actually going on is that, every week, after the high of my Saturday workout is over, I crash…HARD. I always feel pretty incredible after our Saturday workouts, because they are some of the hardest and I haven’t worked all day before them. I, therefore, can push myself further and feel more accomplished than after most work-week practices. As the day progresses, however, the fact that I woke up before the sun and worked out for 2-3 hours starts to set in and I get exhausted. And crabby. And irrational. And it isn’t fun. I hate this about the training because it ruins half of my weekend and makes me mean to those around me (read: my boyfriend).
Fortunately, today was the last hard Saturday workout. We still have a swim at Coney Island next weekend (the last one resulted in a pretty nasty me for a few hours), but at least that isn’t as strenuous, just early. Not only was it the last, but it went really well. So, while it didn’t calm all, or any, of my anxiety about the race that is now only two weeks away, it made me know that, barring disaster, I can actually do this!
So, that brings me back to the tears that clearly shouldn’t exist right now. This is fun. And I am enjoying this. So I don’t want the benefits to be minimized by my moods. Considering I really do hope to continue this sport and learn to train better and earlier in the morning, I have to figure out how to get over this. Whether it is learning to hide my moods better or learning to not let my exhaustion so dictate how my day goes, I have to figure it out. It isn’t fair to me, and it isn’t fair to those around me.